When your toddler prefers mommy over daddy

Mommy over Daddy: When your toddler prefers one parent over the other.

Bonnie Zucker Psy.D.
Elizabeth Pantley
Foster Cline MD

on Mon Oct 12 2009, 12:38pm UTC | 5 comments

"I only want mommy to dress me" is a common request from many a toddler. Whether it's a daily routine like getting dressed, taking a bath or being put to bed, a child's insistence that "only mommy do it!" can leave dad feeling rejected and mom feeling exhausted. But as our Parents Ask experts share with us in this video, parental preference is normal (really normal!) and with a little work can be changed so there's more mommy AND daddy instead of mommy NOT daddy. Join Dr. Foster Cline, Dr. Bonnie Zucker and Elizabeth Pantley for an insightful conversation about this toddler challenge and share your experiences with us here.

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Tags: Bonnie Zucker, dressing your toddler, Elizabeth Pantley, Foster Cline, parental preferences, toddlers

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5 Comments

Commented by Brent, Thu Oct 8, 2009 11:16pm UTC

My wife showed me this video because the same thing is happening with our daughter and I've been taking it personally so I'm now feeling a little better. Thanks.

Commented by Beth, Thu Oct 8, 2009 11:16pm UTC

This came at the perfect time! My husband and I are dealing with this very issue. It usually happens in the morning when "Mommy" is running around trying to get out of the house. I think she locks into who ever is busiest and then wants THAT parent's attention. Since my husband works from home, Mommy is usually crazed in the AM, hence "I want Mommy to do it" kicks in. Perhaps I need to slow down!

Commented by Aimee Giese, Tue Oct 13, 2009 12:33am UTC

You know what is funny? - my son has always preferred my husband. That's because he is much more fun! ;) It took me a while to get used to it - but I know that there are things that are "mama" only too.

Commented by drudolph, Tue Oct 13, 2009 4:34am UTC

I've seen this dynamic among same-sex parents as well, with a child having a strong, but usually temporary, attachment to one parent for certain things. For couples where one parent is biologically connected and the other is not, the child's attachment is not always for the bio parent. It seems, as you say, more a matter of which parent is the customary one for any given activity.

Commented by rookieheather, Tue Oct 13, 2009 3:30pm UTC

These are helpful tips to keep in mind; I'm sure I'll be singing about the "left leg" and "right arm" for the next few months to move things along as my two-year old inches toward three. Like Aimee, my son often prefers Daddy to do it.