Parents are Asking: Should My Husband Be the One to Tell My Mother-in-Law to "Back Off?"

Whether or not your MIL is a real-life version of Dorris Roberts on Everybody Loves Raymond, no matter how you cut it, navigating through a relationship with your in-laws can be tricky.  Today, Parents Ask expert Carin Goldstein, MFT, tackles a common question that many of our readers have wondered:  Who Should Be "The One" To Tell The Mother-In-Law to 'Back Off'?
 
Q: To be very frank: NO and there's no gray area regarding this matter.  It's simply not your husband's job to communicate to your mother any frustrations that either one of you have with her or her way of interacting with your children. If your mother is not respecting your and your husband's boundaries when it comes to parenting and your children, then you need to be the one to set the precedent from day one. Otherwise, you're just opening up the door for assumptions and uneccessary drama between you, your husband and your mother.  This is called "triangulation" and will not only create tension between your husband and mother, but there's always the possibility that your husband may end up feeling frustrated towards you since you are allowing him to be the messenger between you and your mother.  Furthermore, your mother may end up feeling frustrated with you for not being direct with her.