Confronting Children's Nightmares: A Guide For Parents

Getting up in the middle of the night to comfort a child comes with it's share of challenges, especially when your child is suffering from a nightmare, and you feel like there is little you can do to "help."  We asked Parents Ask expert and author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers, Elizabeth Pantley, to answer some common questions and concerns from parents about how to handle nightmares:
 
Q:  I rarely have nightmares, but my son wakes up with them quite often. Is this normal? Is there a way to stop the nightmares?
 
A: Children spend substantially more time in the dreaming stage of sleep than adults do, so they have many more dreams—both good and bad. Episodes of nightmares are at their peak from age 3 to 6. The intensity of children’s dreams mirrors the intensity and imagination with which these little people live, so dreams can be surreal exaggerations of real life.

What should you do about nightmares?

When an adult wakes up from a dream – no matter how vivid – we immediately identify the experience as a dream. Children haven’t quite mastered the understanding of reality versus fantasy, so when they wake with a nightmare they will likely be confused. Telling them, “It was just a dream” doesn’t quite explain the experience, since they don’t have the wisdom to understand the fantasy aspect of dreams – after all, most kids believe that the tooth fairy, Santa Clause and Big Bird are real. Keeping this in mind, it seems fair to comfort children in the same way we comfort them when they face a tangible fear or danger, since the emotions they feel are the same.

Can you stop the nightmares? 
You can’t prevent your child from having nightmares, as all human’s dream. However, some things have been found to reduce the frequency or the severity of nightmares. Here are a few tips:

•    Monitor the movies, TV and video games that your child watches, during the day as well as in the evening, since scary images can show up in your child’s nightmares. Pay attention not only to the shows she is watching, but whatever is on the screen when she’s in the room. 


•    Avoid books that have pictures or stories that might cause bad dreams for your child. Watch your child for cues to his feelings, as kids can find the oddest things frightening. For example, many toddlers are afraid of clowns, trolls, or human-looking dolls.


•    A child who is overtired or sleep-deprived will have more episodes of nightmares. If your child is plagued by night problems, the first step is to check out your child’s sleep hours and make sure he’s getting enough sleep. That means 10 to 11 hour per night for a young child.


•    An erratic sleep schedule can contribute to nightmares. Aim to have your child in bed at the same time every night and see if this reduces these nighttime problems. 


•    Make sure that you follow a calm and peaceful routine the hour before bedtime. This will assure that your child falls asleep while feeling happy and safe.