Sleep: Is it Ever Okay to Let Your Child Sleep in Your Bed?

It happens a lot – a midnight voice by the side of the bed asking, “Mom, can I sleep in your bed?”
 
When is it okay (or not) to let your child sleep in your bed? Parents Ask expert Elizabeth Pantley, author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution breaks it down:
 
There is no one right answer to this question – it’s different for every family.  It’s common for children to search out their parents when they wake in the night, and it’s common for parents to respond by welcoming their little traveler into their bed. However, this only works if everyone in the house is happy and sleeping well, and if the sleeping arrangement safe for your child.
 
If everyone is snoozing happily, then sure, go ahead and let your little one join you at night. But, if that’s not the case, use some of these gentle ways to encourage your child to stay in his bed all night:

CREATE A SPECIAL SLEEPING PLACE
If you don’t mind your child coming into your room during the night, but would like to keep him out of your bed, then set up a sleeping place for him in your bedroom. A futon and blanket on the floor or a sleeping bag and pillow are great choices. Set up your child’s sleeping place and show it to him during the day. Announce that from now on, he can choose where he wants to sleep: either in his bed or his special sleeping place.
 
SWITCH TO A MORNING STRUGGLE
Move your child’s visit from the midnight hours to a more acceptable morning visit. That way, you and your child don’t have to give up snuggling completely, but can do so after you’ve had a good night’s sleep. Tell her she can come in “after 7:00,” or “When it’s light outside,” or “when the music is playing in my room.”

MAKE A WEEKEND PROMISE
With this approach you explain to your child that you want her to sleep in her bed all night during the week so you can both get good sleep. Tell her that when she stays in her bed all week then she can have a “sleepover” in your bed on Saturday night.

DO THE RUBBER BAND BOUNCE
Just before your bedtime routine, explain why you want her to stay in her bed, “When you come in my room you wake me up and then I’m grumpy.” Tell her that you want her to stay in her bed all night long. Begin the night with a pleasant, peaceful go-to-bed routine. Then, anytime she gets up – EVERYTIME she gets out of bed – calmly, peacefully and lovingly put her back to bed. Choose a phrase to repeat to her, such as, “It’s night-night time now. Mommy loves you. Please stay in your bed and have sweet dreams.” You may have to repeat this ten times the first few nights, but with consistency you will reduce those night-time visits.
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Elizabeth Pantley is a parent educator and best selling author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution, The No-Cry Nap Solution, and The No-Cry Sleep for Toddlers & Preschoolers.