Time Out: More Harm Than Good?

As a parent, navigating through the roads of all things discipline can be a bumpy one. It seems like there are 100 different philosophies and methods for discipline. By now you've decided that spanking is not for you, but what about what was once considered a method only "the hippies" were using: TIME OUT. Does time out work? Is it effective? When and how should it be used? And more importantly: Can it do more harm than good? Our Parents Ask experts weigh in....

Still not sure whether Time Outs cause more harm than good? Here's the breakdown of the facts and opinions that brought our experts to Yes, No or In Some Cases...

Robert MacKenzie says "Yes! Time out is effective."

WHY?
-Time out is a highly effective "guidance procedure." It STOPS misbehavior. It should be done 1 minute per year, but not before age 3.
-Parents should use a timer and be exact. Timers don't argue or negotiate.

Susan Stiffleman says "No! Time out is harmful!"

WHY?
-Children need to feel safe and secure and we put them in "time out" we are "shunning" them and making them feel disconnected. This feeling can actually lead to misbehavior. It's a vicious cycle.
-We need to be the captain of their ship.
-When we give them a time out, we are saying we can only accept the good parts about you and we can't accept the parts that are having trouble with their feelings.
-Parents: You take the time out. You can excuse yourself. Not your kids.

Ann Corwin says "Sometimes, Time out can be effective... Sometimes!"

WHY?
-Depending on the circumstance and child, time out can be effective.
-Give them something that reminds them of you: Never leave your child completely alone in a room. Giv ethem a blanket or an article that will have them stay connected to you. Otherwise they can feel abandoned and this would do more damage than good.

For more information and philosphies behind the "Time out" tool, check out:

-Time Outs

-KidsHealth.Org

-Keep Kids Healthy

-3 Common Mistakes for Time Out-- Babble.com

-Time Out "Rooms"- Is there a better way? --ParentDish.com

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Showing the Latest of 2 Comments

mike
2 yearss ago

Time out is punishment, not discipline. It sounds soft and squishy because it's from sports. My parenting teacher is a friggin' guru and has the most sensible advice I've heard. Takes some patience, it's not a quick fix or 'tip', but it builds trust and confidence. Http://bit.ly/cjcrwC

fb-1548223954-m...
2 yearss ago

I think Susan isn't really getting how time out works. You take the child out of the chaotic situation that they're in. You place them in a quiet spot...no one said you had to shut them up in their bedrooms or lock them in a closet! Then you let them take a break...and if you're lucky, they'll think about what happened to get them there. My kids do have to leave the room, but they are still within view. And sometimes...that means they are seeing how their behavior is keeping them from doing the things they want to do! If you couldn't share during playtime...now you get to watch it fom the sidelines and see that if you had been a little nicer to everyone, you'd be there, too. We're not medievil! My kids aren't being locked up in steely tombs. They're sitting on a step about 20 feet from the action.

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Jennifer Brandt is the Managing Editor of Parents Ask, Momversation, and Good Bite. Jennifer lives in Los Angeles and is mom to a 3 year
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