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No matter how cookie cutter they seemed, even The Brady's dealt with sibling rivalry. Peter was jealous of Greg. Cindy was jealous of Peter. And everyone was jealous of Marcia. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.
Today, Parents Ask experts Joanne Stern, Ph.D., Foster Cline, MD, and Betsy Brown Braun take a look and discuss this age old family problem. The question is, what is normal and how can you minimize it?
#VIDEO
Need a recap? Here's the breakdown:
Joanne Stern, PhD- "Here's What's Normal..."
An older child’s jealousy over a new sibling is normal.
-He might regress, asking for a bottle or asking to be held constantly, or he might even swat at the baby or bite the baby's finger.
Competition among siblings is normal.
-Perhaps one child gets good grades and the other child doesn't. Or maybe one child makes the soccer team and the other doesn't. Teasing on either side of this scenario would be normal.
One teenager might develop more quickly than another, causing jealous feelings amongst the siblings.
-Whether it's girls maturing faster or boys getting taller more quickly, this can cause some normal feelings of inadequacy in the other sibling.
-Explain that maturing is a hormonal thing and they have no control over how quickly it happens, etc
Foster Cline, MD- "Here's What's NOT Normal..."
It is NOT NORMAL for sibling fights to end in broken skin or bleeding!
-Once in a while, a fight will escalate to this point, but if it's happening repeatedly where one child is harming the other child that much, that is not normal.
-Make sure you are enforcing a no-violence rule, and make sure there are consequences!
It is NOT NORMAL for kids to fight more than they get along.
-Siblings really should get along more than they fight, with a ratio of about 8:1.
- If your kids are always fighting, it's time to examine... (maybe who is causing the fights?)
It is NOT NORMAL for sibling rivalry to include extreme verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse.
-There is absolutely no excuse for any of this. If this persists, you should seek professional help.
-Also, turn the mirror inward and make sure you are treating your children, and each other!, with love and respect.
Betsy Brown Braun- Tips on Ways to Minimize Rivalry
Give each child her own space.
-Each child needs to have her own space in your home. Just like adults, children like to “nest.”
-Sometimes it can be as simple as a small desk that’s all her own. Having her very own place emphasizes and reinforces a child’s sense of being an individual.
Give children enough time alone with you.
-It’s important to spend alone-time with each of your children each week. It doesn’t mean you have to go out and do something – although that works too!
-It’s just important that you do something your child values. The message is: I want to be with you and nothing else is that important right now.
Allow your children to have separate relationships outside of the family and home.
-If the older child wants to have a friend over, don’t make it a requirement that she include her younger brother in on all the fun. Ask that she include him for a little while, but not for the whole time.
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