Overscheduled Kids: Giving Children Downtime

We asked our Parents Ask experts Lisa Belkin, Betsy Brown Braun and Eli Davidson to discuss the perils of a generation of overscheduled kids and offer up strategies for finding the balance between too much and just enough in the video below.

They engaged in a lively discussion and our readers shared their comments too. One community member brought up an issue not often broached around the "to overschedule or not to overschedule" conundum:

Eleanor asked: How do you know when to encourage your child to stick with a class/hobby/team sport if they really want to give it up? When do I lead with, "you made a commitment so you should stick with it AND you'll thank me later for this. My mom let me quit piano and I wish she hadn't" And when is it ok to say, "You really don't like this/have time for it, it's ok to quit"

Have you dealt with this challenge? If so, how did you decide when to push and when to let go?

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Showing the Latest of 10 Comments

momof2
2 yearss ago

My son REALLY wants to quit playing the piano. He's played for years and is really talented but he's having a hard time finding time to practice (he's plays soccer too). I want him to keep playing, but is this about me or is this about him? I honestly can't tell anymore. How do you know when to encourage your child to stick with a class/hobby/team sport if they really want to give it up? When do I lead with, "you made a commitment so you should stick with it AND you'll thank me later for this. My mom let me quit piano and I wish she hadn't" And when is it ok to say, "You really don't like this/have time for it, it's ok to quit" ?

oceanbandit
2 yearss ago

I like to push my kid to the limits. It will better prepare him for life.

fb-726417188-ai...
2 yearss ago

We try to keep it to one "extramural" activity at a time. Particularly since we are running around with life in general.

meredith winn
2 yearss ago

i think if you follow the child's lead and incorporate your child's temperament into the equation you'll do fine with scheduling. i personally keep activities to one a week. i believe that down time and open-ended play works best for my son. oftentimes just being at school every day of the week is overstimulating for him and he 'asks' for down time (with his actions) i find that if i don't pay attention to his signs, then he is a wreck if we do too many activities a week. every child is different and every family is different. i've found myself to be more prone to open ended, creative, imaginative play over scheduled activities.

Brent
2 yearss ago

I agree with Betsy Braun ... 2 extracurricular activities is enough. Okay, maybe 3, but that's the limit. The more activities our kids have the less "downtime" my wife and I have!

Mariah
2 yearss ago

We keep it to one or two activities per week. It is during the open-ended, long periods of time that the girls really get to express themselves, pursue their interests and discover new ones.

Marie - Make an...
2 yearss ago

I actually fear that my child is under-scheduled! He's not sure what sport or activity he's interested in, so we're just playing with friends, coloring, and riding bikes until he makes a decision.

Dear Old Dad
2 yearss ago

"Yet see men well by reason, doubteless, That idleness is root of sluggardy, Of which there cometh never good increase; " ---Chaucer

bookmama
2 yearss ago

I have many friends who have scheduled their kids so that there is no down time since they were little - they have had schedules that neither I or my kids could maintain. And I have had serious eyebrow raising moments when I thought, "Really? What are you doing?" However, as I continue to learn - not all kids are the same and for some of these kids, these activities were vital. And now that they are teenagers, these kids that have these developed passions, have set goals, time management skills, and are not getting into the trouble that some of their peers are because they just don't have the time! I no longer judge - I know what I can handle, what my kids can handle, and I trust that my friends know the same for their own kids

SU-Z-Q
2 yearss ago

I think my daughter is busy but I don't believe she is over scheduled. She is busy with ballet and play group she just turned 4 and pre K is a new experience for her. She loves to dance and now wants to play my piano so I will be signing her up for classes if her interest persists. I want to stress there is NO PRESSURE for her to do any of it from me. It is purely her and if she wants to quit she can anytime. I strongly believe it is upto me as a mother to help her find her self worth before someone else defines it for her. I was an over scheduled child growing up and I think it worked very much to my advantage. Not only did it teach me to multi task but I didn't have free time to waste and I think it is important to find and do the things we are all meant to be 'good at' early in life. This gives us direction and self worth. There are so many dangers lurking around children who don't have clear direction drugs sex a life of mediocrity.....one more dangerous than the other. I think it is important to provide discipline structure and plenty of opportunity to excel in sports art music dance a skill set which teaches more than a talent. It teaches them how to think and defines an important aspect of who they are.

Overscheduled Kids: Giving Children Downtime

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