As if it isn't challenging enough to raise children, most parents believe myths that make them feel inadequate. According to Parents Ask expert Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution, these horrible myths can spoil the joy of raising your children. You may have never realized how intensely these beliefs affect you, but they do. By acknowledging that these myths exist in your life, you take the first step towards eliminating them. Here are a few of the most common parenting beliefs – are they true or false?



BELIEF:  If a parent is truly attached and committed to a child, then that child will behave properly.



FALSE!  You could be totally committed to your child from the moment of birth. You could do absolutely everything right. In fact, you could be an utterly faultless saint, and your child would still misbehave. The truth is: ALL children misbehave. ALL children will have temper tantrums, whine and fuss. It’s part of growing up. Loving your child is easy, but raising your child is hard. Effective parenting skills are learned. Parenting is complicated and ever-changing. In order to be an effective, parent you need knowledge and skills, but almost no one is born with these skills.





BELIEF: You can’t spoil a new baby.



TRUE! Babies cannot manipulate people, and they can’t be stubborn. Their needs are basic instinct. They require pampering, and they deserve as much holding, cuddling, nursing, rocking, singing and cooing as we can give. As a matter of fact, studies tell us that babies who are carried and cuddled throughout the day will fuss and cry less than those left too often to their own devices.



BELIEF: Most infants have sleep problems.



FALSE! In the womb a baby sleeps up to 20 hours a day – infants are master sleepers.  However, their environment can cause disruption to their sleep. If allowed to follow their own personal sleep patterns babies will sleep as much as they need to, whenever they need to. It is a parent’s job to protect their new baby’s need for sleep and provide a safe and comfortable place for it to occur at the right times.

Infants do not have sleep problems – but their parents might, since babies are wired to wake frequently throughout the night!  If their schedule conflicts with yours, it’s not a problem for them; they are blissfully unaware.



BELIEF:  Good parents don’t lose their patience and yell at their children.



FALSE!  Even the most peaceful easy-going parent loses patience and yells from time to time. No matter how much we love our children, they will try our patience, they will make mistakes, and they will make us mad. All children have their “naughty” moments. And, guess what? When children are “naughty”--- parents lose their patience and <gasp> they YELL. It’s called being human.



BELIEF: In parenting, it’s important to be consistent.



TRUE! Your children learn from you every day. If your actions are unpredictable they will be confused, and any lessons will take twice as long to learn. Consistent doesn’t mean rigid, but it does mean being a thoughtful parent who plans ahead and makes a best effort to follow through on those plans.