Everyone reading this who is a girl knows what I am talking about.  Girls are mean to each other all the time.  Ever ask yourself why? 

I think the answer lies in one misunderstood emotion.  Girls are mean because they do not understand what ENVY is, much less what to do about it.  ENVY is wanting some thing that some body else has…simple as that!
How girls act toward others when they feel envy has everything to do with the making of mean girls. 

A typical scenario goes like this…

A girl walks into a room looking cute and another girl might say, “Your shirt is darling, it looks great on you, is it new”?  The ‘cute shirt girl’ will then say, “It’s new and I love the way it looks on me too, thanks”.  Meanwhile, the girl observing this exchange might be saying to herself, “Hey, why didn’t she notice my new shirt, this is the first time I’ve worn it and I think I look at least as good as she does”.  Then the girl who has not been noticed finds another girl to begin gossiping with and may say something like the following, “ Can you believe that she is getting all that attention from that shirt, it isn’t really that cute and for sure it does not go with the shoes she is wearing with that outfit”!

In this scenario when one girl gets a lot of attention from others either about how she looks, what she says, what she won or what group she was accepted into, the other girls start to get jealous/envious about all the attention to that particular girl.

This attention toward that one girl or it could be a group of girls, makes other girls feel insecure about their accomplishments or whether they will be recognized for their own assets. 

In order to draw attention away from the girl/girls who are getting all the attention, the other girls will tear them down by saying and doing mean things.

So what do we teach our daughters to do so they do not turn into mean girls?

By the time they are ready to start kindergarten sit down with your daughter in a quiet moment and define ENVY/JEALOUSY.  Then tell them this simple solution, “If you find yourself wishing you had something that somebody else has remember it is called envy.  Always smile to yourself and remember how good it feels to get attention yourself, then talk silently to yourself about something that makes you unique, like you’re the best swimmer you know or you had attention last week for being such a good friend to your neighbor”.

This will remind your daughter that the way to build self-confidence is not by tearing others down but by remembering what makes you unique and that builds your confidence.

Only you can teach your daughter how to not turn into a mean girl, so start now, even if your child is past kindergarten age. 

Girls, let’s change our reputation, from mean into thoughtful, kind and sensitive.

From one girl to another,

Dr. Ann Corwin

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