When it comes to your toddler's language development,  do you ever wonder why they repeat themselves? Why they like the same shows, the same songs, and even want to hear the same stories? Today, Parents Ask expert Dr. Bonnie Zucker, author of Anxiety-Free Kids, explains this common behavior:

Q: I'm finding that my toddler likes to repeat a story or hear about something that happened in our day over and over again-- sometimes weeks later. Usually the story he wants to hear or ask about involves something that was upsetting to him (losing a balloon, a library being closed etc). Is this normal? Is it a sign of anxiety? Is this normal? Any tips?



A:  Toddlers often use repetition to make sense of their experiences, and to process information. With repetition, they learn how to brush their teeth, eat with a fork, play certain games, and so on. With repetition, they learn how to gain mastery in their lives, and to develop a sense of confidence about their experience. If a child has the tendency to repeat upsetting events, they are likely doing it to help process, both emotionally and cognitively, what has happened. This will allow him to better understand the event, and accept what has occurred. Parents should respect this normal process, and in fact, support it. It is typically not a sign of anxiety.

 

To support your toddler's quest for making sense of his experience, you want to "mirror" the child's experience. Every child has "mirroring" needs which describes his need for reflection and validation from others (namely parents), and when this is provided consistently, he will develop a sense of who he is. The more positive the mirroring, the better. For example, let's say your little one scribbles some circles on a sheet of paper using red and blue crayons and then hands it to you. You then take the paper, smile and say, "Wow- you are an artist!! Look at how you used the red and the blue crayon- wonderful!! Let's put this up on the fridge!"  This is positive mirroring. Your child, in response, leaves the interaction feeling confident about his drawing, his ability as an artist, and will be more inclined to make additional drawings. Moreover, your child begins to understand who he is- his sense of self becomes strengthened, and as he grows and receives mirroring consistently, he will fully develop his sense of who he is. In the example above, the parent would mirror by saying "Yes, your lost the balloon. It slipped out of your hand and floated up into the sky" and if he seems sad, "I see you are sad about losing the balloon- it's okay to be sad." And, "Yes, we went to the library and it was closed. We were excited to go, but didn't get to. Hopefully we can try again tomorrow."  This allows the child to feel aware and also confident about his experience.

 

Finally, while hearing the same story over and over can be a little annoying at times, it is important for parents to be patient and not show any signs of frustration. Again, your toddler's process of understanding the world around him, and the events that happen to him, should be respected. It's always good to remind ourselves that little children are not little adults- their brains are a work in progress!