Every Christmas, a dear family friend showers my three kids with a bounty of gifts. The presents arrive in bulging black bags, usually filled with designer goods and the must-have, much-sought-after items of the season.  Last year, however, given the sorry state of the economy, our real life Santa Clause reigned in his lavish gifting and presented each of the kids with a donation to a charity made in their name.  They couldn’t hide their disappointment and I couldn’t hide my disappointment at their disappointment. 

At the time I remember thinking to myself, “How could I have raised such an ungrateful threesome.  Where did I go wrong?”

Well it turns out I didn't go wrong.  According to Betsy Brown Braun, our Parents Ask expert and author of the bestseller, Just Tell Me What to Say, given my kids' expectations based on many years of indulgence,  their shock and disappointment was warranted.  While yes, new studies have revealed that kids are born with a certain amount of compassion and empathy, according to Betsy, it's also developmentally appropriate for them to be ego-centric, "hey what about me?" little creatures.  

So what's a parent to do when their kids say, "that's it?" and take the wind out of the holiday sails? 

Here are 6 tips to help make this Christmas  (in the words of the wonderful author Lee Woodruff) less about what's under the tree and more about who's sitting around it.

1.     Give less and expect and accept the disappointment. They’ll get over it really quickly if they don’t have the window to get to you. (*read: don’t start waffling and look like you might cave and hit the mall because of their whining.  Stand firm.  It’s the best for everyone.)

2.    Model gratitude as well as the pleasure you get in giving something to someone else. This happens not only at the holidays but all year long. Exclaim it for the world to see.

3.    Model giving to others. Make it a regular part of your holiday. Help your kids to make the lists of to whom they will give. Involve your kids in all the steps…the choice of recipient, the gift, the wrapping, the delivery. They more they do, the more exciting it will be.  (*I also recommend finding a way to let your kids see their gift being opened. It’s much easier for them to understand the adage, “to give is to receive” if they see the excitement on the face of the recipient.)

4.    Rebrand the holidays to make it more about give you than gimme.  Do family projects the result of which you give to others. Do surprise things for others (Bring in your neighbor’s trash, rake her leaves, put flowers on the dining room table, etc..)

5.    Have family experiences that will characterize the holiday. It’s about what you do together. Do crazy fun different stuff together …that you ONLY do at the holidays. (wear your pj’s in the car as you comb the city for holiday decorations and lights)

6.    Give the gift of coupons of things that kids get to do ;   extra story at bed time;   movie watching in mom’s bed. Kids give YOU coupons of things they will do for you; a   day without fighting, taking a bath without nagging,..things that will make you happy.

*Do you have some secrets to instilling gratitude in your kids?  We'd love to hear your thoughts!