Your kids learn very early on that the best way to hurt a sibling is not with their fists, but with their words. Even when they’re only teasing, the little digs hurt. But when jealousy, competition and anger take over, the sarcastic, cutting words slice deeply like a knife and can have lasting negative effects. Nobody likes to be put down. Nobody. And you shouldn’t let your kids do it to each other because it sets the stage for bullying and other cruel behaviors as they get older.



Remember that your children model your own behavior so treat them with respect and handle their feelings with the greatest care and thoughtfulness—even when you’re frustrated and disappointed. Don’t give them negative messages—even when you’re angry. If you say things like, “Don’t you ever stop and think?” or ‘You’re so stupid!” or “Don’t ask so many questions. You’re driving me crazy!” you can inflict enduring damage to their self-esteem. Labels such as “You’re too - - - fat, skinny, lazy, slow, loud, un-athletic” pierce into their hearts. Scolding them by saying, “You never do what you’re told,” or “You always fight with your brother,” or “Why don’t you ever get your homework done on time?” are painful stabs that affect kids in the moment and long after.



When you hear your kids hurt each other with their words, it’s time to sit down and talk with both of them together. Don’t allow the hurtful words to continue because the memory of those words lives on and continues to hurt long after the incident itself has been forgotten. It’s a time to reinforce your family value of kindness and sensitivity—of being understanding, compassionate and caring. Remind them that you are a family who supports one another, who celebrates each other’s victories and gives encouragement and hugs for the defeats.