It’s easy to understand why your toddler or small child might develop sibling rivalry when you bring a new baby home from the hospital. He might regress—wanting a bottle, insisting on being held constantly—even biting or scratching the baby. He used to be the center of attention. The world revolved around him. And now someone has knocked him off kilter. His world has been turned upside-down.



Children don’t like surprises so prepare your child in advance by including him in your pregnancy. Let him pat your tummy and talk with him about the new baby that he will be able to hold and care for. Let him know that the baby will cry and take a lot of your time, but you will always have time for him. Tell him— already before the baby is born—that he will always be special to you even though there is a brother or sister in the family.



When he comes for his first visit to the hospital, be sure someone else is holding the newborn so you can scoop up your older child in your arms and be attentive as he takes his first confused and overwhelmed peek at his sibling. Continue to carve out time—even when you think you don’t have any—to hold and cuddle him and tell him how precious he is to you. Give him small tasks to help take care of the baby so he feels included and useful, and tell him how much you appreciate his help. Baby is probably receiving gifts so have an occasional small present for him to prevent him from feeling left out. If you make him feel loved and important, he’ll soon adjust and grow out of his need to compete for your attention.

 

Joanne Stern, PhD is author of “Parenting Is a Contact Sport: 8 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Kids for Life”

See Also:

-Sibling Rivalry: Words That Hurt?

-Sibling Rivalry: Who Has It Worse- Older or Younger Child?

-Should I Have Another Child?