As children develop, determining whether you should call it a "pee-pee" or a "woo-woo", when giving names to their private parts, can be a tricky subject. What names should you give genitalia and bodily functions? Are nicknames are okay? Is there an age when kids should not use nicknames for their genitalia? Today, Parents Ask expert Dyan Eyebergen discusses why parents should use proper names for genitalia and bodily functions.



Q: I have a 3 year old boy and he's definitely showed a lot more curiosity and interest in his "private parts" lately. I never know what to call it... For some reason, I find talking to him about genitalia harder and less straight forward than with a girl (I have an older daughter).  I'd love some tips or tools on how to talk to children about their private parts-- especially the young/ toddler and preschool kids.



A: It is important for parents to give the proper names of genitalia and bodily functions to their children for the following reasons:

    •    Giving nicknames to genitalia or bodily functions, when we do not for other body parts (knee, ankle, thigh etc) almost implies that the real names for these things should not be used. A number of interpretations can be made by children in this instance: the real names are shameful and bad; you shouldn't discuss such things--they are too private to talk about; their parents don't want to have these conversations--they can't even say the name!

    •    When parent's use the proper names for genitalia and bodily functions they give the message to their children that their sexuality and body is a natural thing. They also give the message that they are willing to talk about it with their children and will remain nonjudgmental about the questions they ask.

    •    We don't want our children to feel shame or doubt about their sexuality and the functioning of their bodies. We want them to be able to talk with their parents and health care professionals should problems arise (like it "hurts when I urinate" may mean a bladder infection) If a child feels like they cannot discuss what goes on "down there" they may not disclose any discomfort.

    •    We want our children to grow into responsible adults and respect their bodies. Helping them to use the proper words denotes respect. Many adults who grew up with pet names for their genitalia have a very difficult time talking to their doctors about menstruation, birth control or sexual problems and may not seek treatment because they can't bring themselves to use proper terms and would be far too embarrassed to say childhood nicknames.

    •    When we give cutesy names to genitalia children may not recognize that they are private parts with a specific function and have difficulty developing boundaries or setting limits around where, what and whom they discuss "Mr. Johnson and twins". It may make for inappropriate talk.

    •    If a child discloses abuse to another adult using nicknames, that adult may not have a clue as to what that child is trying to say because of a lack of understanding for the pet names.

    •    When talking to children about their bodies give age appropriate information. Clarify exactly what they are asking so as not to give them more information that what they wanted. Answer them as honestly as you can, given their age, and remain calm and unaffected. If parents react strongly to their child's questions they may discourage the child form ever coming to them again. Teach respect for their bodies and have discussions about privacy and appropriate talk and actions; but also let them know that you are a safe place to discuss issues and concerns or ask questions.

See Also:

-Funny Names Parents Use for Private Parts

-How Do I Get My Son to Stop Touching His Private Parts?

-Circumcision Indecision: Making the Best Choice For Your Son