Parents, it may be time to give up those extra zzz's. (Right, since when was there any "extra?") According to  Carin Goldstein, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who has worked with patients struggling with depression, anxiety, career problems, life transition, and specifically, relationship issues, catching a little extra shut eye is great if you can get it. But it's important to make sure that your sex life, and ultimately your relationship doesn't suffer because of it.

Today, Carin shares her thoughts on ways to keep the drive... alive!

Should couples set a time aside to "do it" or is this too mechanical?
 
This truly depends on the couple's style and there is no right or wrong.  For some couples, the idea of "planning for sex" does feel too mechanical and takes away from the spontaneity of the moment.  But for other couples, "making a date" for sex adds to the excitement of the experience and can almost feel like an old fashioned "rendezvous" which they can look forward to.  For some couples, having sex planned gives him or her all day to "think" about it, perhaps talk about it and may actually inspire some to fantasize about the soon-to-be moment with their partner, which can already be a form of foreplay, getting each person more and more excited for that special "date."
 
How can couples organically keep the momentum and drive alive?
 
Having sex in general does create a positive ripple effect and the more sex you have, the more you feel bonded, and chances are ,the more you want to have sex!  But that's only one piece of it. Within a couple, there needs to be a culture of kindness, affection, and appreciation in order to feel intimate toward one other.  After having children, it is common for many parents to take each other or the relationship for granted where the children become the focus and the couple takes the back seat.  This can happen so easily between dirty diapers, sleep deprivation, tatruming toddlers, schlepping kids to and from school and afternoon activities, etc.  It's important for parents to remember that their relationship is the foundation for their family and that if they don't "tend to the garden" (aka, their relationship), then it's going to be hard to keep those lucious flowers alive at all. 

Carin Goldstein is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 10 years of experience in working with couples, families and adults to help them improve the quality of their lives.  Carin lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two children.