Alarm. Walk dog. Change diapers. Change wet sheets. Feed Kids. Throw on clothes, maybe makeup. Pack kids lunches. Get kids ready. Drop kids off. Pray for short line at Starbucks. Traffic. Work. Work. Facebook check. More work. Lunch at desk. Work....

Exhausted yet? We are. In fact, this scenario is mild compared to some of your busy schedules. Finding the time to get your sleep, and feeling like you've actually had it, can seem like an impossible task. Unfortunately, with schedules this hectic, often time in a relationship the first thing to take a back seat is SEX. It's not that you don't want it. You do. BUT you're exhausted and the only thing turning you on is the idea of your head hitting a pillow.

Something's gotta give... but should it be sex? We asked Carin Goldstein, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and mother of two very busy children, to give us the scoop on sex vs. sleep!

Is there ever a time when forfeiting sex for sleep is a good idea?
 
It Depends.  Obviously, if one is struggling with a physical illness, or for example, the recent birth of a baby, one's body may need sufficient rest to allow their body to heal, recuperate and feel strong enough to enjoy every day life - in which case, foregoing sex for a short period of time is completely understandable.  Also, parents today (especially with young children) can feel so exhausted and rundown from the day in and day out of caring for children, running a houshold, holding a job outside of the house, etc., that if for one night, one or both partners need to take a rain check on the sex and simply "crash" once the kids are tucked away, then chances are he or she will feel more rested and eager to have sex with their partner.  It's all about the healthy balance.
 
However, there are couples who, because of their lack of intimacy which each other, have gotten into an unhealthy pattern of making themselves believe that it's okay to pass up or avoid sex for sleep, more than not.  This avoidant pattern can be very unhealthy not only for the relationship of the couple, but also for each individual.  Research has proven that sex can boost immunity, lower anxiety, improve intimacy (as a result of the release of oxytocin - the bonding hormone), and most importantly research has shown that having more sex will improve one's overall sleep.
 
A little extra shut eye is a good thing, but parents should never underestimate the power of good old fashioned sex.
 
At what point do marriages suffer from lack of sex? Like is there a window that once you pass you're officially screwed (no pun intended) if you're not doing it?
 
Every couple at some point in their relationship will experience a period when "sexy times" takes a temporary dive.  Common examples of this would be universal stressors such as, the birth of a new baby or a death in the family.  Once the stressor in the couple's life subsides, and if the couple has a healthy bond, intimacy and sex should be able to take a front seat again in their normal lives.
 
If a couple is already struggling with a lack of emotional intimacy, then lack of sex, can contribute to the demise of the relationship.  Since having sex is one thing (among other things) that keeps couples connected, not having any sex will force more of a wedge between partners and can breed a lot of unhealthy resentment.  It's this resentment between couples that chips away at the foundation of the relationship and once that foundation is broken, it's very difficult for some couples to find their way back to each other.

Need some more Sex vs. Sleep "satisfaction"? Check back in TOMORROW as Carin gives more tips on ways to "tend to the garden!" (We'll stay up for THAT!)

Carin Goldstein is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 10 years of experience in working with couples, families and adults to help them improve the quality of their lives. After a pervious career in the entertainment world, Carin received her masters degree in Clinical Psychology and received her professional training at the renown Maple Center in Beverly Hills as well as working for various clinics within Los Angeles where she provided psychotherapy for families and children struggling with severe emotional disorders.  Over the years, Carin has worked with patients struggling with depression, anxiety, career problems, life transition, and specifically, relationship issues. As a result of her work, as well as her own journey as a wife and mother, Carin has developed an interest in helping people develop a greater sense of intimacy and fulfillment within themselves as well as within their current relationships.  She currently is in private practice in both Beverly Hills and Encino where she provides therapy for adults, families, couples and adolescents and also served as an instructor at the University of Judaism where she has taught “Making Marriage Work”, a program directed to engaged couples. Carin lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two children.