Building confidence and nurturing independence is crucial for a child's development and success in life. Today, Parents Ask expert Bonnie Zucker discusses how parents can foster self esteem in their children:

Q: How can I instill self-esteem in my child? Any tips for helping to foster and develop it in children of all ages?

A:  A child's self-esteem, or his assessment of his self-worth, will have a profound impact on most aspects of his life. Fostering a strong sense of self-esteem is possibly the most important development in childhood, as it is one of the strongest predictors of success in life.  Certainly, when you had your child, your hope was for him to feel happy and good about himself, celebrate his achievements, and not feel held back from trying new and exciting things due to self-doubt. While some amount of questioning of one’s abilities is healthy and normal, we want children to be able to approach most tasks with confidence, knowing that they can handle challenges that may come up. In fact, having a sense of self-confidence is part of being resilient in life.
 
I believe that self-esteem develops from three places: from ourselves, from others, and from events.  The “self” part includes knowing and owning one’s strengths, and feeling proud of oneself and one’s accomplishments.  Owning one’s strengths implies that your child doesn’t forget how good or capable he is at something when things don’t work out or when he has a bad day. For example, he knows that he is a strong soccer player, even when he plays poorly from time to time.  The “others” part includes receiving positive feedback and encouragement from parents, teachers, and peers.  By giving genuine compliments, and by complimenting effort, not “ability,” you will help your child’s sense of confidence develop. For example, saying, “I am so proud of you for working so hard on your science project,” is better than saying “I am so proud of you for being so smart.” Finally, the “events” part refers to things like earning an award, being invited to a party, and scoring a goal for the team.
 
Providing your child with compliments and positive feedback is valuable, and effective “mirroring” of who they are; yet it is essential that praise is genuine. Celebrating your child’s strengths and achievements helps him feel a sense of confidence. Equally important is to provide your child with opportunities to gain mastery in something- an activity, sport, hobby. With persistence, you will be able to find several things that your child can excel at, with practice.
 
Finally, how your child deals with failure will have a significant impact on his self-esteem. If is attributes failure to personal factors (e.g., “this always happens to me, I can’t get anything right”), rather than seeing the universal expereince of mistakes and failures, he is more likely to have a poor self-concept. Similiarly, if he copes by avoiding and not trying again, he will miss the opportunity to experience healthy coping with failure. Coping well involves making a proactive plan to work harder or work differently the second time around, being positive about trying again and viewing it as a learning opportunity, and normalizing the experience of set-backs.  Modeling healthy coping, and encouraging your child to cope well will help facilitiate positive self-esteem.
 
Two great books to refer to are: Mindset by Carol Dweck, Ph.D. & Raising Resilient Children by Robert Brooks & Sam Goldstein.

See Also:
-Self Esteem and Children: How to Help Build It

-10 Strategies for Nurturing Independence

-Body Issues and Teens: 5 Ways to Help Her Self-Esteem