If you're a parent trying to juggle it all, then you know how hard it can be to find balance. Moms seem to feel especially pulled in all directions when it comes to choosing between what will get their attention first- kids, husband, job...? Today, Parents Ask expert Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem With Women Is... Men answers this reader's question:

Q: Do husbands get jealous of their wives' affection towards their kids? I feel like I'm constantly pulled-- how would you suggest a wife shares the attention or handles the guilt?



A: I've often written that—in an established relationship—the fastest way to get a man to notice his wife is for her to start going to the library for three hours each night... and just read. By the third night (if it takes that long), he will accuse her of having an affair. The reason? The stereotypical man is threatened by a multitude of things that his wife/girlfriend is paying attention to: other men, a woman's career (and subsequent success)... pretty much anything that doesn't involve him. And, yes; in some cases, that can include attention going to the kids, as well.



Kids fundamentally change the dynamics of a marriage/relationship, and men don't always adjust as readily as women (due to the lack of nurturing instinct for many). Moreover, some husbands don't recognize that their wives aren't the only ones' that have the responsibility of child-rearing, and thus don't participate as much. If this is the situation, the truth is that these men are actually removing themselves from activities, and then wondering why she isn't paying attention to him (maybe like she used to).



In many cases, however, it's a complete lack of understanding. Many moms don't have the luxury of returning to their natural state of woman (sans wife/mother responsibilities), and men just don't get it. I would suggest that men need to recognize that their wives are pulling major duty full-time (mom, wife, caregiver, etc. etc. etc.), and may not be in a mental place to "downshift" to a romantic/sexual/couples-only place on a whim (or on his schedule). This is especially true for stay-at-home moms. The trick is for men to pay attention, do their part, and not to forget that women were women first, and wives and mothers second.