You have seen the light. You know you're a helicopter parent and you know it has to stop. In fact, you're ready to let your kids roam free... play on their own... no more hovering. But when it comes to independent play, is it too much for us to expect that a three year old child, for instance, can get up and play in the morning --by himself-- so that we can sleep in? (And we're not joking). Encouraging independent play is important, but when and how to encourage it takes some thought. Today, Parents Ask expert Dyan Eybergen discusses and offers a step by step guide through each age as to what kind of play a parent can encourage: 

Q: At what age are children ready to play on their own? For toddlers, in particular, if they're wanting you to sit and play with them all the time (and you can- don't have to prepare dinner, or help another child etc), should you? Or do you need to set up guidelines for times when they will play independently? How do you do that?

A:   Children should be encouraged to “play on their own” right from infancy!

♣    From birth to 3 months children explore the world around them through reflexive actions (kicking, waving arms, sucking fingers) they also explore through sight and hearing.

♣    Infants are attracted to bright and vibrant colors, especially yellows and reds, and to objects with high-contrast patterns like black and white spirals. They prefer the human face to all other patterns, and will watch faces intently. They will turn their heads in the direction of a sound, and are more attracted to objects that emit a gentle, soothing sound and that move slowly than to those that remain still or are too loud, too sudden, or otherwise extreme.

♣    Parents should provide opportunities for babies to lie on their backs in a playpen or on a blanket on the floor to exercise gross motor skills and explore through sight and sound. Put on soothing music near baby and have a mobile or bright cloth pictures near the child’s line of vision. Putting a child on the floor or in a playpen in sight of a parent while that parent is cooking or doing household chores is doable. As long as the parent can see the child at all times. The parent can talk or sing songs to the child and the child will hear the parent.

♣    At 3 months they begin to swipe or reach towards a dangling object to grasp it. Any object grasped is likely to be mouthed and to be handled with jerky, unpredictable motions. Therefore, soft, lightweight, washable, easy-to-grip objects with rounded corners are best.

♣    By 5 months of age, children can roll onto their backs and push up onto their hands and knees, so mobiles and suspended gyms are no longer appropriate at this age. They have mastered the ability to grasp and manipulate a dangling object by 6 months, and begin to engage in more active play by reaching, grasping, tugging, pushing, patting, shaking, and squeezing objects. At 6 to 7 months, children are sitting independently, which provides them with greater visual capacities for grasping objects or bringing objects to midline for exploration. Excersaucers or highchairs can be used to stabilize the child in view of a parent who is cooking or vacuuming (you don’t want a child to roll or crawl into danger or try and lift themselves up without direct supervision where they could fall against furniture). By 8 months hey begin to develop a pincer grasp, which is used to pick up small objects between the thumb and fingers. Children should be given opportunities to exercise fine motor skills such as picking up Cheerios or opening the pages of thick cardboard books.

♣    At 12-18 months children are trying out a variety of basic gross- and fine-motor skills, and are gaining confidence as climbers. They can sing to themselves and will move their bodies to music. Since they are more mobile, they can self-select toys that were once outside their reach. Having a drawer dedicated to Tupperware and wooden spoons in the kitchen can keep a child of this age occupied for some time.

♣    At 19 to 23 months they like to sort objects, often grouping them into two categories, and can now fit together simple objects. These children can match angles, which allows them to fit a square peg into a square hole. Soft blocks and plush stacking toys are great for this age.

♣    2-year-olds can perform social roles like mommy, daddy, or baby. Role taking becomes a bigger part of social pretend play, and their pretend play becomes more elaborate as they use a variety of objects to carry out longer episodes.

See Also:

-10 Strategies for Nurturing Independence

-Take Your Kids to the Park... And Leave Them There!

-How Do You Teach Your Kids to Be Independent?