After being with the kids and schlepping them around all day, most moms are beyond exhausted and are desperately waiting for their husbands to come home from work to relieve them. The problem is, they may not be "ready." Today, Parents Ask expert Carin Goldstein, LMFT, discusses...

Q:  The moment he walks through the door, I expect him to take over, but he becomes immediately defensive and acts so resentful toward my needs.  Am I completely out of line in feeling that my husband is acting like a child in this situation?

 

A:  First off, you have EVERY right to expect some respite from your hubby once he comes home from the office.  However, my question to you is: Are you going about it the right way once he walks through the door?  Just because your husband is "physically" walking into the house does not necessarily mean that he has "mentally" made the transition yet and if you bombard him the moment he sets foot into the house, chances are he will naturally go into defense mode.

 

Men are more challenged than women when it comes to multi-tasking, hence they are more sensitive than women when it comes to transitioning from one focus to the next.  With that said, allow him to walk into the house to say hello to you and the kids, and give him the space to do whatever he needs to (i.e.: going through the mail and changing his clothes, etc.) in order to transition from work to the family's needs.

 

As a mother myself, I know how easy it is to think, "I've been a slave to my children's needs all day, so why do I have to tip-toe around HIS needs once he comes home?!?"  Here's where your perspective needs to shift.  It's not about tip-toeing - it's about handling the situation in a smart way as opposed to handling it in an emotional way.  So as much as you're understandably ready to escape once your husband comes home from work, do yourself a favor and take a few beats, allowing him to transition being home.  Ultimately, you will more than likely get from him the break you deserve.