Finding the time to get your sleep, and feeling like you've actually had it, can seem like an impossible task. Unfortunately, with schedules this hectic, often time in a relationship the first thing to take a back seat is SEX. It's not that you don't want it. You do. BUT you're exhausted and the only thing turning you on is the idea of your head hitting a pillow.  Something's gotta give... but should it be sex? We asked Parents Ask expert Carin Goldstein, LMFT, author of Be the Smart Wife to answer these questions:



Is there ever a time when forfeiting sex for sleep is a good idea?
 


It depends.  Obviously, if one is struggling with a physical illness, or for example, the recent birth of a baby, one's body may need sufficient rest to allow their body to heal, recuperate and feel strong enough to enjoy every day life - in which case, foregoing sex for a short period of time is completely understandable.  Also, parents today (especially with young children) can feel so exhausted and rundown from the day in and day out of caring for children, running a houshold, holding a job outside of the house, etc., that if for one night, one or both partners need to take a rain check on the sex and simply "crash" once the kids are tucked away, then chances are he or she will feel more rested and eager to have sex with their partner.  It's all about the healthy balance.
 
However, there are couples who, because of their lack of intimacy which each other, have gotten into an unhealthy pattern of making themselves believe that it's okay to pass up or avoid sex for sleep, more than not.  This avoidant pattern can be very unhealthy not only for the relationship of the couple, but also for each individual.  Research has proven that sex can boost immunity, lower anxiety, improve intimacy (as a result of the release of oxytocin - the bonding hormone), and most importantly research has shown that having more sex will improve one's overall sleep.
 
A little extra shut eye is a good thing, but parents should never underestimate the power of good old fashioned sex.



Should couples set a time aside to "do it" or is this too mechanical?
 


This truly depends on the couple's style and there is no right or wrong.  For some couples, the idea of "planning for sex" does feel too mechanical and takes away from the spontaneity of the moment.  But for other couples, "making a date" for sex adds to the excitement of the experience and can almost feel like an old fashioned "rendezvous" which they can look forward to.  For some couples, having sex planned gives him or her all day to "think" about it, perhaps talk about it and may actually inspire some to fantasize about the soon-to-be moment with their partner, which can already be a form of foreplay, getting each person more and more excited for that special "date."



For more of Carin Goldstein's marital tips, you can check out her highly talked about video blog, "Be the Smart Wife" geared especially for wives at http://www.bethesmartwife.com.


See Also:

-Is it Okay to Go to Bed Angry?

-Who Should Get Attention First- Husband or Kids?

-Sex After Baby: The Ultimate Battle