Loneliness is a very common feeling amongst new moms. Often times, parents, especially stay at home mothers, start to feel  disconnected from the "adult world" that they once were so actively a part of. Today, Parents Ask expert Carin Goldstein, LMFT, offers advice to one new mom who wonders if she should turn to her husband for attention:



Q: I'm a stay-at-home mom and every time I call my husband at work during the day, he seems irritable and annoyed by my phone call.  Being at home all day with a 5 month old is exhausting and lonely and I feel like my husband should be more patient with my need to have a few minutes of adult contact during the day. I want to say something to him but am I taking the right approach here?



A: Being home with your child every day, let alone a 5 month old, is without a doubt the hardest job in the world.  Feeling disconnected from the outside world is a common and universal feeling for most mothers with young babies at home, causing one to feel like they are slipping into the "mommy abyss."  That said, it would only make sense that you would want to call your dear hubby during the day for the sake of having some adult conversation.  However, here is where women end up shooting themselves in the foot and where strategy needs to be considered:  Men by nature have trouble multitasking and if their attention is already elsewhere, they can become easily over stimulated by innocent interruptions (i.e.: your phone call).  Here's the simple solution: unless there is urgent information which he must know, don't call him at work.  This is a battle that simply isn't worth fighting and marriage is all about choosing your battles.  Furthermore, you are  better off calling one of your girlfriends who will naturally want to talk and connect during the day as opposed to your husband at the office. If you haven't already, you may also want to consider signing up for one or two weekly "mommy and me" classes where you will automatically have opportunities to socialize with other mommies. This is where I tell women, "be smart about how to best get your needs met."  If you needed to get a root canal, would you go to your gynecologist? Of course you wouldn't.  The same goes for you when wanting to have some well deserved adult interaction during the day.  Your husband will never react like your girlfriend and that's OK.  Take advantage of all the awesome qualities he does have and when you need to vent or be chatty during the day, simply call one of your trusted gal pals instead.