Does your child have a hard time saying goodbye? Do you worry that it becomes even harder when family and friends stop in often, perhaps creating a chaotic environment? Today, Parents Ask expert Dr. Bonnie Zucker addresses these concerns and offers tips on ways to work through "hello and goodbye anxiety."

 Q: My son is 3 years old and it seems like it's getting harder and harder to say goodbye. As a working mom with a lot of support (babysitter, family members, etc.) I worry that all the hello's and goodbyes cause anxiety and stress-- meaning, in the morning I say goodbye and drop him off at school, and then at night come home and the nanny leaves but grandparents drop in. Does this cause anxiety? Should there be few visitors or other people coming and going throughout the day(s) for fear that this may cause anxiety?

A:  In general, children respond best when there is a routine in which parents behave consistently. A morning routine in which the parent(s) say goodbye is something that most children easily adjust to. However, during periods of transition (e.g., the beginning of summer camp; or for a toddler, when more teeth are coming in), children may be a bit more needy and there should be accommodations made if possible. For example, parents might need to make themselves more available during the first week of a new camp; simply being there is enough. If your child is having trouble with hellos and goodbyes, I would make sure that there is nothing else going on (for example, is there a problem going on at school which is making morning goodbyes anxiety-provoking?).  Another cue that there could be an issue at school or daycare is any sudden change in behavior (irritability or aggression, shutting down and keeping to himself). Not to bring up any concern when most likely none exists, but it's always better to know the signs.
 
In terms of visitors throughout the day, again we're looking for consistently and predictability. Children need to feel secure. If there are too many strangers coming in and out of the home, with different people coming and going, this may interfere with a child's sense of security. For this reason, I recommend that visitors be limited to the same regular group of people, and that the child be told in advance of who is coming and when. Finally, a lot depends on the child's temperament- some children are easy-going with calm temperaments while others are more sensitive and affected by changes and activity in their environments. My rule of thumb is that parents and caregivers need to adjust to the child's temperament, not the other way around.