A few weeks ago, Parents Ask expert Elizabeth Pantley offered a quiz to determine if your child was ready for potty training. Today, she's answering a very common question from parents--- that is, how to deal with a child who goes on the potty (sometimes) but doesn't want to use the potty... for "everything."  Read on!

Q:  I don’t get it! My son has been potty trained for months and pees on the potty. But he always hides behind the sofa and poops in his pants – Help!

A:  This is one of the most common toilet training roadblocks. Often, a child who willingly pees on the potty will demand a diaper, or use his pants, for bowel movements. Some children will actually hold it and create constipation, which further complicates the issue. Children typically resist having a bowel movement on the toilet, or hold back from going, for these reasons:

•    An active child dislikes having to sit on the potty for an extended length of time.

•    After being used to the squashed sensation of stool coming out into a diaper, the feeling of letting it loose into the air is unsettling.

•    A child is used to standing or moving during BMs and sitting still on the potty is uncomfortable.

•    Your child thinks the stool is part of him and doesn’t understand why he should flush it away.

•    A bad experience, such as having a messy accident, can cause a child to avoid having it happen again.

•    Pain from a previously hard stool makes a child afraid to poop on the potty.

•    A current case of constipation is preventing usual elimination.



No matter the reason your child is refusing to poop on this potty, try following these important Dos and Don’ts:

What NOT to do

•    Don’t get angry. Your little one isn’t doing this on purpose just to annoy you.


•    Don’t make your child sit on the toilet and push. BMs come out when the body is ready, and forcing them can create small tears or hemorrhoids, which cause all-day pain and generate a cycle of pain and frustration.


•    Don’t let your child strain to go. A little bit of pushing can be necessary, but if he is grunting and forcing, it’s a sign that either he’s not ready to go, or he’s constipated. Have him drink a big glass of water, eat a piece of fruit and then try again later.


•    Don’t ever make your child “hold it.” When she announces the need to go, or if you notice that her body signals are indicating a need to go, find a toilet immediately. Delaying contributes to constipation and other bowel problems. 


What TO DO


•    Make certain that your child is drinking plenty of fluids all day long, mainly water and juice (but not citrus).


•    Be sure your child eats lots of fiber-rich foods daily: vegetables, fruit, whole grains. Limit junk food, refined sugar, soda pop, candy and chocolate.


•    Limit foods that constipate such as bananas, rice, applesauce, cheese, citrus juice, and carbonated sodas. 


•     Talk to your doctor if you suspect your child has food allergies or lactose intolerance, as  these can cause constipation.


•    If your child has been constipated apply petroleum jelly or diaper ointment before potty visits.


•    Make sure your child has plenty of daily exercise, which stimulates digestion, prevents constipation, and is necessary for proper elimination.


•    Be sure that your child is peeing every 1 ½ to 2 hours. Regular urination is a necessary component to regular bowel movements.


•    Teach your child to go when the urge hits. 


•    Purchase a soft, padded child’s adapter seat for the toilet, or a potty chair with a soft seat. Some children find it uncomforable to sit on the hard surface.


•    If your child will only go in a diaper begin to have her do so in the bathroom. Progress to having her sit on the potty, in her diaper if she’d like. Once she is used to this suggest taking her diaper off. 


•    Make sure that your child’s legs are comfortable and knees are slightly apart and that feet are firmly planted on the floor or a sturdy stool.


•    Help your child relax on the potty by reading, telling a story, singing or playing soothing music. 


•    Read books about using the potty, especially those that talk about poop (yes, really!) such as Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi, or Where’s the Poop by Julie Markes.


•    Relax. Your child will be fully potty trained in no time, and you’ll be on to the next adventure in parenthood.