If you have a child that sits like an angel as a harried waiter apologizes for forgetting to place your order, then consider yourself lucky. While we love to dine out with our families, most of us, however dread the sometimes out-of-control and embarrassing behavior that our children exude in public. And of course, the biggest meltdowns aways seem to occur during a meal (when we have the least amount of energy to deal with it). Today, Parents Ask expert Elizabeth Pantley, author of the No-Cry Discipline Solution answers this extremely common problem and concern for parents:

Q: My 4 year old son always seems to act out when we go to a restaurant. I would like to be able to eat out as a family without causing a scene though. How can I get him to behave at a restaurant (without going completely bezerk and becoming a homebody forever)?!

A: You don’t have to give up dining out! There are ways to teach your children how to behave appropriately in a restaurant so that it’s a fun night out for everyone. Here are some important Dos and Don’ts.



DO see it from their perspective

Children get both excited and bored at a restaurant. They find it difficult to sit in one place for the length of time necessary to order, wait, eat, and pay for the meal. This problem is one that improves with age and practice . . and until then: a good game plan.



DO pick the right restaurant

Choose a restaurant based on its child-friendliness. What’s important? A children’s menu that includes food your kids will actually eat. The absence of a long wait for a table. Booster seats or high chairs. Private booths or eating nooks as opposed to one large open room. And, a noisier, family-friendly atmosphere is always a plus. (Save the hushed candlelite for an adult-only nights out.)



DO teach restaurant manners at home

If you are casual about mealtime manners at home, don’t expect your children to miraculously develop table manners because you happen to be in a restaurant. Practice good manners at home for every meal, and your children will be prepared when you eat out.


DO have longer table time at home

At home we call our kids to the table when all the food is ready, and then excuse them as soon as they are finished eating. If you want to practice for restaurant visits have them come to the table a few minutes earlier, perhaps for an appetizer or salad. Then sit and chat for a bit after you are finished with the meal. Make it fun by telling stories or talking about upcoming plans. This is great practice for eating out, and it’s a wonderful family-bonding ritual.


DO dine out at your regular meal time

When possible, stick close to your daily routine. Plan to eat at a reasonable time, before the kids become famished. If you must go out later than usual provide a snack at their normal meal time, then allow them to have a smaller meal at the restaurant, or to eat half and bring the rest home.



DO review restaurant rules before you go

Be very specific and leave no stone unturned. A sample list of “restaurant rules” might be: Sit in your seat. Use a quiet inside voice. Use your silverware, not your fingers. No bickering. If you have to use the restroom, ask me privately and I’ll take you.



DO ask for an immediate appetizer
 

Many restaurants automatically bring bread to the table as soon as you are seated. If this isn’t the case, ask for something to be brought out for the kids. This will ward off hunger and fussiness.



DO prevent boredom

Bring along a few simple toys like a deck of cards, plastic animals, or small quiet toys that can keep the kids occupied while they wait.



DON’T be unrealistic

Don’t imagine that eating out with kids is the same as dining without them. When you take children to a restaurant it’s all about controlling the excitement and boredom, teaching formal manners, and having quality family time.



DON’T make the kids eat what they don’t like

Stick with familiar foods. If the grilled cheese sandwich your child ordered turns out to be Swiss on sourdough allow your child to eat the French fries and pack up the sandwich to go. A restaurant is not the place to battle over new and unfamiliar foods.



DON’T stay too long after eating


Keep your post-meal conversation short. Ask for to-go boxes and the check at the same time you order your food. This way, if you have to leave because of a tired or whiny child, you can make a fast get away



DON’T stay if it’s not fun


If a child’s behavior gets out of hand, take her to the restroom or to the car for a break so that she can calm down. If she continues to misbehave, ask for doggie bags and leave the restaurant. But don’t give up! Review your expectations and try again.