We have recently implemented a new system in our house:  The CHART.  The CHART is a magnetic dry erase board that hangs on our refrigerator.  It is rather simple in theory, yet very effective.   The CHART is the end result of many disciplinary strategies that have come and gone with the wind.  

My children are very different; therefore, I’ve really struggled with finding something that works for both when it comes to discipline. My first child, who is now six, is a sensitive soul.  It took nothing but a firm voice to persuade her from wrongdoing when she was younger.  When something rubs her the wrong way, she cries.  She always has.  She is very emotional and timid.  My second child, who is almost three, is almost the complete opposite.  She laughs at a firm voice.   When something (or someone) rubs her the wrong way, she hits.  She hits the person in question, or just the nearest person she can find.  If she can’t locate a person quickly enough, she stomps.  She lifts her little leg as high as she possibly can and stomps repeatedly until she is sure there is no question as to her current state of mind.  No amount of verbal punishment even makes her flinch.  It’s kind of like that rubber and glue thing – it bounces right off her and sticks to me. They are both amazing and wonderful children.  I love them both just as they are.  But they are very different from each other.  And having two very different children made it difficult to be consistent on consequences.

The CHART is a two-part system.  The first half is the NAUGHTY CHART.  Both of my daughter’s names are on the chart, as well as a list of consequences.  The first “X” by your name means a “time-out” in your room.  The second “X” means a “time-out” and no dessert for the day.  The third “X” means a “time-out,” no dessert, and no television.  In three months, neither or my children have ever gotten past the second “X.”  I think this works for us because it’s concrete, predictable, and mainly, because I’m no longer pulling aimless threats out of my butt in the heat of a major meltdown.  They know what’s coming.   There are no exceptions, and part of the beauty is the fact that it’s displayed for all to see, so “it’s such a shame that our visitors will know that you’ve gotten in trouble today,” works like a charm.

Now comes my favorite part: The REWARD CHART.  The reward chart has each child’s name with tally marks.   Each tally is a point, and each point works toward a goal the girls have set.  My older daughter one has currently chosen an American Girl costume thing and the younger has chosen a Toy Story “Jessie” doll.  What I love about this is that it gives me an opportunity to point out the things they are doing “right.”  For example, “I love the way you ate all of your lunch, you can put up a point,” or “I’m giving you a point because you picked up your toys the first time I asked you to and I appreciate that.”  At a time when I felt like all I was doing was reprimanding my children, the reward system became a welcome change.  It also comes in handy when I need a favor – like offering up a point to feed the dog or two points for picking up two rooms for vacuuming.  Some might call it a form of bribery.  I am just fine with that.  I’ve never claimed to be above it.  But I look at it this way, if I can take things away when they’re not cooperating, it can’t be that bad to reward them when they are, right?

Let’s face it – some days it’s all we can do to keep our head on straight.  Well, that’s the case for me anyway.  So any little bit that helps me make it through the day with fewer meltdowns and a firmer grip on the behavior in my house is welcomed with open arms.  I’m not going to say it’s foolproof but at this point it’s working for me.  So I’ll take it!!  

Melanie Chezem is a freelance writer and stay-at-home mom to two little girls.  Whether it's life as a mom or life in general, she tells it like it is at www.mommyspills.com