When our first daughter was born, my husband had no experience with babies.   He had never made a bottle, nor changed a diaper.  I’m pretty sure up until then he had never willingly held an infant.  It’s not that he didn’t like kids.  I wouldn’t have married him had that been the case.  He was just inexperienced; a novice.   I, on the other hand, had grown up with a slew of younger cousins, I had worked in a daycare when I was younger and being a mom seemed as natural to me as breathing.  I think parenting just comes more naturally to some than it does to others.  Some have to work at it a little harder.  This was sort of the case in our house.  I jumped right into the pool, so to speak, while my husband gradually descended the steps.   He was a willing father, by all means.  He just wasn’t as instinctually driven as me.

Naturally at this time I implemented a system under which I took the “lead parent” role and “guided him” constantly with my infinite wisdom.  An apprenticeship, if you will.  I, being the master could impart on him my endless knowledge while he could flourish under my leadership and grow into a master parent himself.  Sounds like a pretty great plan, right?  I thought so.

Well, here’s a little tidbit for you.  People don’t like being told what to do all the time.  In my experience and in that of the women around me, I’ve found this to be especially true when it comes to husbands.  One would think said husband would willingly be the “sponge” to soak up my “guru” knowledge.  He begs to differ.  While he appreciates my subtle guidance at times, most of the time, (GASP!) he finds it annoying.  I suppose he figures after six years under his belt, he’s got it.   Hmmm.

I have no trouble saying I’m the more experienced parent.  That’s a fact. But I do have a tremendous amount of difficulty admitting that my way is not the only way. 

I’m fairly certain he doesn’t scrub behind their ears when he gives them a bath. To be honest, I would guess he would be just fine with letting them go for days on end without taking a bath at all.  He doesn’t grab their hands and hold on for dear life when they get within fifty feet of a parking lot like I do.  He (gasp) waits until the last minute. He does not keep track of their daily vegetable intake and yes, he was the first to give them soda.  He doesn’t tighten the car seat straps as tight as I do and he doesn’t check to see that everyone has a snack and drink before we leave the house.   He doesn’t do a lot of the things that I do.   Yet, he manages to keep our children in one piece, all the same.

He does throw pillows at them.  He hangs them upside down by their feet and he throws them into the air, as all the while I am saying increasingly more loudly, “Be careful!”  (In my defense, he did once bump my daughter’s head into the ceiling.)  He offers them candy in between meals.  He stands them on the bed and then pushes them backward onto a pile of pillows.  He jumps out and scares them when they least expect it. He tickles them until I’m sure they’re going to pee their pants.  He does all kinds of things that I deem to be too scary, too dangerous or borderline irresponsible.  And here’s the thing – they love it.  He makes them laugh louder and more vivaciously than I ever have.

My husband and I are very different people.  Some might say we’re polar opposites.   I often say we balance each other out.  I think it’s safe to conclude that we don’t just balance each other out.  We balance our children out as well.  He offers them things that I don’t and vice versa.  They get a little taste of adventure with him – and a well-rounded diet from me. I’m a little more worrisome than he is.  I hold on a little tighter.  (Dare I say, hover?) He gives them the opportunity to make choices and learn from mistakes.    I nurture them when they need it, and he helps them brush off the dirt and get back on the bicycle.  One might say they have the best of both worlds.   I know this for certain: they get a lot of love and fun from both of us.

I’ve come to realize that his style of parenting is just as beneficial to them as mine is. This is not to say I won’t still offer my guidance when I just can’t help myself.  (I mean seriously, when the children have been digging in the dirt, they need a bath!) He may not always have the perfect reaction to the situation.  Or should I say my perfect reaction…but he always has their best interest at heart.  We both do.  All we want in this world is for our children to be happy and healthy.  So even though we might not often have the same strategy, we always have the same common goal.

Melanie Chezem is a freelance writer and stay-at-home mom to two little girls.  Whether it's life as a mom or life in general, she tells it like it is at www.mommyspills.com