So,here's the scenario:  You and your husband are enjoying a quiet Sunday afternoon sitting in the living room together catching up on the week's DVR recordings. Your 11 month old has been blissfully napping for the past hour and now she wakes up cooing and calling out for "Mommy!"  Your husband jumps up and turns to you bright eyed and says, "I'll go get her!"  Before you have a chance to say "OK," he's off to her room and as you secretly cross your fingers, you think, "please let her be happy to see him."  But before you have a chance to blink, you hear the baby screaming and as you enter the baby's room, your husband turns to you looking devastated and says, "She only wants you."

If this is your predicament, my guess is that you may be feeling a lot of empathy that your husband doesn't feel "wanted" by the baby lately.  That said, here are some important factors to think about which may not only help the baby to feel more "warm and fuzzy" toward daddy, but may also help your husband to feel less insecure about your child's parental preference at times:

First off, kids flip-flop by nature and the last thing a father should feel is lousy about himself as a result of the baby's preference toward mommy.  It would greatly help to buy a book which highlights the appropriate developmental stages when babies and children may only want mommy.  Being able to refer to a book explaining this kind of behavior will not only normalize the situation for your husband, but it will help him to not take your child's reactions so personally.  A great suggestion here are the easy to read series by Louise Bates Ames which starts with, "Your One-Year-Old: The Fun-Loving, Fussy 12-To 24-Month-Old." Bates series has a book for each age (Your 2 Year Old, Your 3 Year Old, etc.) up to age 14 and each book will pin point the times when children may prefer one parent over the other.  Additionally, the less pressure your husband feels to "win" your child over, the less the child will feel to meet his or her father's needs, which allow for more positive bonding between them.

Secondly, there are times when mothers sometimes (without realizing) contribute to the child feeling less secure around the father due to control issues or just not being mindful enough about making room for baby/daddy time.  If your child is whining when you hand her over to daddy, it's OK for your child to hear you reassure her by saying, "You're OK.  You need to let daddy hold you now.  Mommy has to go run an errand and I'll see you when I get back."  If you show your child that YOU feel confident about her being with her father than more than likely they will model your feelings.  When a mother acts anxious as a result of the child's reaction toward the father, then the child may then follow the mother's lead making it more difficult for her to feel relaxed around the father.  So pay attention to what you model to your child.

Also, women don't realize how critical they can sound to their husbands when it comes to what they do or don't do correctly with the children.  If your husband is already feeling a lack of confidence around your child, then it is imperative to frame "suggestions" in a positive way.  Rather than saying, "You're holding her the wrong way and she DOESN'T like that," try saying, "I think she's trying to tell you that she wants you to hold her on your lap."  Help your husband to understand your child in a way that doesn't belittle him.  Remember, he was never pregnant, so some of those natural maternal instincts just aren't there and that's OK.

Finally, humor can diffuse some discomfort you may be feeling from your husband regarding your child's preference toward you. So after the baby has calmed down (from screaming at the top of her lungs when daddy held her instead of you) you could say to him, "Don't worry honey, when she's 15 years old  I'll be her worst enemy and you'll be the saint."

Carin Goldstein is a wife, a mother, and a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 10 years of experience in helping people to improve the quality of their lives.  Her advice can be heard on her highly talked about video blog "Be the Smart Wife."

See Also:

-How Should My Spouse and I Come Together on Parenting Issues?
-Is it Okay to Go to Bed Angry?

-How Should a New Mom Deal with Loneliness?