When you first got married, she told you "it wouldn't kill you to take a vacuum to your carpet every now and again." Two years ago, she told your your turkey tasted, "Um, almost as good as mine." Last year, she gave you a red reindeer sweater, two sizes too big ("You've gotten 'fuller' over the years. I didn't want it to be too small.")

Who is this "she" and why do WE care? Because she's your MOTHER IN LAW, and by now you've accepted the fact that she's not going anywhere. Yet.

But according to Sally Sheilds, author of Daughter-In-Law Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Make Friends With Your Mother-In-Law!, it's up to you to curb that animosity and make the relationship work. Sally, who spent the first decade of her marriage disagreeing with everything her MIL said and arguing with her husband about her, believes that DIL's have to do their part to create a better bond. "You don't want to change her, you want to change her reaction to her."

Sally says that complaining about your MIL (to your husband) will get you no where fast. "The whole point of the DIL Rules is that you're going to make friends with your MIL and leaving him out of the equation. You're going to let her (and him) know that you're there to facilitate a close relationship with her and her son (and not break their bond.)" (Are you cringing yet?)

So how do you "facilitate a close relationship" during the holidays? We say: Have some spiked eggnog. Sally says, follow her tips:

1) Take the Guess out of Gifting!  You should have your husband find out that your mother in law wants for gift. Don't guess. he should pick out gift for her. Often times your guess is not extra clever- it's just wrong.

2) Forget the Diet.  Be prepared for all the sugary temptatons that she might offer you during the holidays. Grab 5 pound weights and a pair of sneakers and don't beat yourself off up if you get off track. Don't turn her food down-- eat it. You don't want to do "I'm not doing white flour and white sugar..."-- It'll just provoke her to tell you her opinion on dieting altogether-- so save it!  The same goes for your kids too...

3) Let Them Eat Cake! Let your MIL  feed your kid whatever you want over the holidays. Your husband grew up and seems to be doing relatviely well, and your kids will be back to wheat bagels nad apples. Let her enjoy feeding your kids (and just put on your blinders).

4) Go with the Flow! Go along with all of her plans happily. You may get there and she's got ideas of where you're going and what you're doing. "Gee, I didnt' realize we're going on a acorn hunt!"  But instead of acting surprised, just go along with it. You're only there a short time.

5) Hide the Hideous!  Even if she's given you the most ridiculous and ill-fitting outfit ever- You MUST wear it when she's around and tell her you love it. Whatever you do, do not get rid of it for a year- when you are in her presence- even if it's the worst present in the world= wear it. It will make her happy and you will win big big points.

6) Go 'head and Parent Me, Lady. Is she critical of your parenting style? Suck it up.  Don't get in to a fight. Just say, "Oh my gosh that is true. I really do need the Super Nanny."  Align yourself with your mother in law.  You have to let her know if she's worried, you'll handle it. You're just difusing the bomb. Agree agree agree.

7) Hello, Mom!  Number one rule in Sally's book- call her mom. It might take her and you time to get used to, but down the road, it leads to closeness and you are reminding her of who's in charge.

(Hint: It isn't YOU).

Hate your MIL? You're not alone. Share your secrets about her here! Don't worry, Santa doesn't read this blog!