There's no doubt about it, marriage takes work. And throw a kid (at any age) in to the mix...? Well, you've got some challenges on your plate. So how can parents best prepare themselves for the journey of parenthood and the toll it can take on a marriage or relationship?  Parents Ask Expert Carin Goldstein, M.F.T. says "make your relationship a priority... healthy children are the bi-product of healthy marriages."

Of course, it's not always that easy. Here, Carin answers some common questions that come up for new parents:

Q: How can new / tired moms look at their husbands with empathy rather than resentment (often times dads aren't getting up during night, nursing, etc)
 
Here's the straight answer, mommies: he's not you and he never will be.  Rather than trying to find "empathy" for why your hubby can't hear the baby crying in the middle of the night the way you do, you're better off just accepting him for who he is.  Men are simply hardwired differently - it's why women can multi-task and men cannot (women can move back and forth between the right and left side of the brain easier than men can).  This isn't to say that he shouldn't pitch in but your relationship is better served by trying to see the strengths rather than his weaknesses.
 
Also, it's important to look at the part that you, "the mommy", plays in his seemingly lack of help around the house:  Is he not changing diapers or giving a bottle enough because he doesn't take initiative or is it because you're not asking him to?  Men are not mind readers and that maternal instinct just isn't there (hence, why the woman carries the baby for 9 months).
 
So if you need to delegate in order for him to pitch in some baby duties, then just do it.  Not only might you be surprised at how willingly he does it, but you might also see your resentments slowly melt away.
 
Q: Do couples need to have talks before arrival of baby as to how they will work through the stress and exhaustion?
 
Obviously this is a great idea, but realistically speaking it's so hard for first time parents to know exactly how the situation will feel until after the baby arrives.  What I do encourage many soon-to-be parents is to line up extra help around the house for the first few weeks so that the parents can just focus on the baby.  For example: having friends or family bring meals by or help stock up the fridge is a huge help.  Also, even with a rough economy, it might be invaluable to hire a cleaning crew once or twice a week for the first six weeks so that when the baby is napping, mommy can nap as well.
 
What I also recommend to couples is to be very honest with others as to what their needs are after you return home with the baby:  if family or friends want to visit right away, it's OK to take a rain check if you both need to still rest and adjust to being a family of three or more.
 
Q: Is there ever a time when couples need to "put their baby on hold" and spend as much energy on the relationship or do relationships always take a backseat.
 
Naturally your relationship with your partner will not have the freedom it once used to have B.B. (Before Baby).  Babies and even young children are appropriately needy and incredibly demanding of your time which is all the more reason why making time for your relationship is a priority.  Studies show that healthy children are the bi-product of healthy marriages, where children observe both parents affection toward one another and being attentive to each others needs.  Investing in your relationship with your partner is an investment in your child's well being.

Carin Goldstein is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 10 years of experience in working with couples, families and adults to help them improve the quality of their lives.  Carin lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two children.