When a toddler is attached to a pacifier, it's for emotional reasons, and the attachment experienced is not unlike the attachment a toddler might have for a special blanket or teddy bear. Your toddler has been sleeping with his soother at bedtime and naptime since very early in his life and likely turning to that soother for comfort as well. It's no wonder that his soother has become part comfort fix, part best friend.

Giving up a soother for a toddler can be as tough as giving up cigarettes is for an adult. That soother fix may not be physically addictive, but it can be every bit as habit-forming as reaching for a cigarette. After all, his pacifier habit has been part of your toddler's daily routine ever since he was a newborn. Even the most hardcore nicotine addict hasn't been dragging on a cigarette for that long.

Toddlers may not be dealing with physical withdrawal symptoms (you can't get hooked on a soother) but, on the other hand, toddlers haven't had the chance to develop the coping strategies that adults turn to when we want to kick a bad habit. They can't hire a quit-the-pacifier coach—nor are they able to sign themselves up for toddler yoga to reduce the stress associated with quitting cold turkey. All they know is that every other time in their entire life when they felt miserable or sad or scared, they turned to their soother and they felt better. And now someone is telling them that it's time to quit the soother for the good of their health. They don't care about any of that stuff. They want their soother back and they want it back now.

If you've ever lost a possession that became so much more than a thing to you, maybe you can understand what it's like for a toddler to give up his soother. Perhaps you left your Blackberry in a restaurant one day. When you first discovered that your Blackberry was gone, you panicked. Whenever you needed reassurance that you had control over your world, you turned to your Blackberry for reassurance. Suddenly that sense of safety and security was gone forever and someone in your life was telling you that you could never have that Blackberry back. Your data was gone. You desperately wanted to turn the clock back and go back to a time when you were safe and secure and you had your Blackberry in your hand.

Guess what. It's even worse when a toddler parts ways with his pacifier. That pacifier is typically with the toddler whenever the toddler is most in need of comfort or soothing: during naptime, bedtime, or when he is hurt or scared. When you take away the soother, you take away his most readily available source of comfort (other than you, of course). When a toddler expresses sadness at the loss of his soother, it's because he's grieving the loss of a cornerstone in his world.

Fortunately, your toddler has you. You can help him learn new ways of getting through nap-time and bedtime and other stressful times without his pacifier fix. You might produce a nap-time buddy (a stuffed animal or other comfort object) to replace the soother as a source of comfort or switch up his bedtime routine so that the pacifier's absence isn't quite so glaring (i.e. putting on some soothing music to help the toddler wind down to sleep). And, above all, you can be patient and provide extra comfort and reassurance while your toddler is establishing a new pacifier-free routine. It won't take long, but he needs time to find his way again.

Ann Douglas is an award-winning author and writer. She has written 28 books, including the bestselling books in The Mother of All® books series and The Mother of All Solutions® series.